2002-12-25, 10:22 p.m.

I fear as if all my sanity has turned into confusion. I want to cry, but the tears never come. I fear one more day in this hell hole home I will break again.

I want to die. be gone forever

i cant stand this shit hole life

shit hole home

shit hole "family"

just cut and make things worse

can it be i rather sleep in this gutter than return to my home?

who am i to decide what to do when i dont evne know why m doing this?

nothing, no one, will ever understand this hell...

im wishing i was never born

cut and die, being torn

cant see clearly through tear filled eyes

cant think right with a head full of lies

heavenly home is my wish

im just so tired of living like this

if jesus christ is by my side

end this all and let me die

Dear God,

t hurts. God make it stop. everything is hopeless and everynight i question why i goto sleep just to wake up to a new day of trying to function with a broken heart God it just doesnt make sense. the only answer i can come up with is that your not here and im writing to a nothing through my stressed crazed mind. its hard to look at the world posistively through tear filled eyes. kill me softly taking me torment away.