2002-12-29, 9:26 p.m.

what would happen if i were to just go and get the gun nexto my dads bed, load it, and shoot myself in the head. suicide is so selfish, but i dont care. i wouldnt know if anyone cared. "somethings gone wrong in this world called confusion" i dont know why that line depresses me so much. i guess its because the world is so fucked up, will always be fucked up, and im stuck in it. i despeartly want out. i wish i was never born. i was probably a mistake, anyways. life is so pointless, everyday is just so pointless.god says for us to preach the gospel to all we can grow his kingdom...but why did he even create us in the first place, id jsut rather never been alive

everday everyone is moving around and persuing life for no reason

i just want to die, is that too much to ask?

i guess im just so scared. so scared im going to go take some benodryl, and sleep. then when i wake up, ill take more benodryl. and so on. damnit, what if i run out?