2002-01-01, 9:57 p.m.

everybody i talk to thats depressed, read about thats depressed, sounds just like me. they hate it like hell, but they're afraid of letting go of it because thats all they are. Thats all that makes them up. They hate it, but they dont want to let go of it because they're afraid they will have nothing to make up themselves. But, these past few days have been different for me. Its like worse than depression. Its all the symptons of depression to a higher degree, but I don't want it. I dont care if im a no one and dont have anything that makes up me. Im so scared and I hate it so much, i want it gone. I don't want to be this way. I have NEVER heard anyone whos depressed say they want to let go of it if they are being completely honest. They always want to keep it.

god damnit just take it away.