2002-01-05, 8:59 p.m.

i just cant't help to soak in the feelings of how pointless life is. why should i even care. the horrible thing is , i care so much. i want to be an individual, i want to be different. I want to be quiet, respected, nice, cute. But all I come off of is quiet and ugly. It depresses me to watch TV. how terrible is that. i just see people do things that are too late for me to do now. like goto summer camps and play musical instruments for fun and to do club sports. but why should I care, were all just going to die anyways one day. this life holds no point so i might as well speed up the process.

I find myself extremely lonely lately. I just reliaze seeing happy friends and happy couples waht im missing out. I want so badly to have a friend to cry on, to laugh with, to undesrstand when i just feel like being alone, or understand when i just need her there.

loneliness is one of the worse things in the world.