2002-02-16, 6:26 p.m.


"What would it take to make you happy?"

Someone in my guestbook.

I dont know if anything could make me happy now because everything around me is making me so unhappy. But if all the bad stuff around me i could change, id make it so i had loving parents, the imbalance in my head was fixed, I was optimistic, and had some kind of feeling of meaning in this life.

I dont even know if I WANT to feel better, so i guess if i could do anything, id want to be happy.

but i dont really even want to want to be happy.

im tired of life, happy or not, i want to die, i dont want to have to go through the motions of everyday feeling empty, and i dont want to be on some happy shallow person.

i just want to die