2003-06-18, 12:32 a.m.

All I do anymore is go to meetings. I have no friends. But they don't really help me stop my habits. As soon as I get home, I binge. They're really good though. The next step, I guess, is to get a sponsor but that would mean she would be calling me and asking me things and butting into my life and I don't know if I want that or am ready for that.

Many of the girls there think I need to tell my parents. I don't want to.

Losing weight. Depressed. So tired. Nothings changing from these group except the locations, really. Well, not even that sometimes. The first two times I went they were in the same place but different rooms. This time it was in a church in a different city. I got a "Chip" for being a new comer. it says on it "Welcome" and then "I put my hand in yours...and together we can do what we could never do alone."

I hope they're right. God, I hope they are. Sometimes when I'm sitting there and I listen to some of their stories it hits me how real this is and I get so scared. A women there who has been really nice to me named Elizabeth got into all of this when she was 15. She's 25 now. 2 frekin 5. 10 years of this shit. I don't need that. 2 down...8 to go? She's still struggling with it. She asked me my age and her face just fell when I told her 17. She said "god, just get rid of this now, while you're young. please." a lot of them are worried about me. Another girl, Gretchen, was really helpful. She gave me a list of sponsors and explained how some things worked. She was really nice and gave me her phone number and asked me to call her. A lot of the girls smile at me when I'm sitting there in the circle and tell me they're glad I came back and such. One girl told me she liked my shirt tonight. So I have groups...Monday, Tuesday, Friday morning, and Saturday.

I'm so sick of meetings. But I love the girls.

Time to purge.