2003-08-20, 11:08 p.m.
I'm a time bomb ready to explode. My anxiety is up 100 precent. I really should take my medication but then I have no energy. But I swear, when I stop taking this stuff, I gain weight. And that's what I'm doing. I'm gaining unexplainable weight. I'm so manic I don't think to eat till late. I eat, purge, the end. Like I usually do, but much less b/p and much less munching throughout the day. But I'm gaining weight no matter how much I restrict or how hard I try. So I guess I'll take my topomax again to see if I lose. I may be starting my period soon, too. I feel really irritable. I move quickly. As I walk around my kitchen making food, I act as if I have no time. I feel rushed. I can't slow myelf down though.
I'm really bitchy, too. My mom comes down and I immediatly snap at her for talking to herself. She just glares at me and all the food I'm making. She's so oblivious. They all are.
Agh. I'm on the edge. Feeling crazy. Anxious. Pacing. I need to see my therapist. I need him to calm me down. I need him to explain this energy. Not until next week. Breath. Just breath.