2003-10-22, 10:11 p.m.

do you ever get where when you're like, in a really depressed mood, so you get more manic?

you talk really fast, talk a lot, act really happy?

And like..when I get like that, everything gets harder..literally. My steps get heavier, my words kind of have an edge to them, my actions get harder. Like I'll shove my keys into the lock with more strength then needed, i'll pound around, i'll pace, i'll make remarks the sound kind of smart.

Things have been harder lately. I feel like I really can't take my mom. I feel my heart going down the drain everytime I hear her talking to herself or see her wandering around the house with no purpose. It breaks my heart. Not because I feel bad for her, but because I don't have a mother and never will. NEVER will. I can't seem to get that through my head.

Tommorow I have psych. I'm contimplating ditching it. That won't solve anything. It's so early in the morning. I should get on my with my binge if I want to get any sleep.

Oh, and I got a job.