sex, drugs, and....weight?
2004-05-07, 9:05 p.m.

okay, ready for a stupid question? Does your sex drive have to do anything with your mentrual cycle? In other words, if I stop getting my period, am I going to have less of a sex drive?

I haven't had my period for almost 4 months now, after having the worse periods ever. I'd bleed like hell (heaviest periods ever) and get pretty bad cramps. Now wam bam think you ma'am they're gone. With that, it seems as of late I'm just not into sex, getting all hot and heavy feely stuff, or thinking about guys like that. I'm defiently still intersted in guys, but I'm not like "LET'S HAVE SEX MAN". I don't even have a desire to do "stuff" with guys. I don't even want to "touch" myself as much as I use to. Or at all for that matter.

So last night was the first time in a long time (there is a point to this, I promise..) and afterwards I just felt so hollow. So empty. The room felt so distant, I felt so distant. Then I couldn't stop sobbing. I had no idea why it made me so upset but I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.


Meh. Anyway. I've gained weight. Got up to 85 bloody huge pounds. So I decided to go on strict diet. I'll call it the (making this name up right now) "half a pound a day cause you're bloody fat" diet. I decided I want to be 81 in a week. I started this yesterday, so that figured to being half a pound a day. Makes sense? Ya. After a day, a lost a pound, so by tommorow..I just need to maintain. One pound down and 3 to go.

Did I mention I stopped my anti-depressant? I'm still on the mood stabalizer because I think it "stabalizes" my weight, too, but I stopped the other drug. I'm tired of it.