2004-05-17, 8:41 p.m.
I keep wanting to update but I can't find anything to say.
After the whole doctor incident, I cleaned my room to numbness. I didn't go to school that day, either. Since then I've been numb. I've been dying to let out my secret inside, but I'm silent. I want to tell someone, anyone, that I'm afraid that I'm going to be taken away. Instead I carry on with my binges and push on in high anxiety.
I can't sleep. After purging, It's time for my to go to bed, but instead I lay in bed in a frantic mess. I stare at the ceiling telling myself I should exercise because I feel myself getting fatter. Fat Fat Fat. I feel fat lately. I'm up a single pound but I'm fat. I've stopped taking my anti-depressants completely. I can't tell if I feel any different. I don't feel like killing myself anymore then usual. I feel care free.
I won't see Julio till June 15th. I haven't heard from BQ or anything, either. So no news about that last appointment. 23 days till I graduate. Something like 11 more days of official school. Blah Blah Blah.
I'm going to go purge. I don't have anything exciting to say.