2004-05-28, 9:50 p.m.

I updated my buddy list. I removed everyone thats unactive or I just don't read anymore. Feel special if you made the cut. Or don't. Haha.

I notice I have a few diaries I look foward to, anxiously hoping they updated. I wish I had more diaries like that. Or just more diaries to read.

On that note, if you think you're special, or just want me to read you, sign my guestbook. It lets me know that you read my regularly and want me to do the same for you. I read the people on my buddy list everytime they update, since I check my buddy list updates daily.

Off diaryland, I was very crabby today. I should be happy it's a three day weekend, but it's hard to make me happy these days. Sometimes I try to trick my mind. I try to get myself hyped up about buying a new shirt or some makeup but then I remember "what's the use? It's all pointless. You have no where to go to wear that shirt. Who gives a rat's ass?" And I'm just depressed again. Then I feel bad because I hate all my clothes and feel like I'm ugly. It's a vicious cycle.

I've gained a couple pounds. It makes me not want to go to school and I consider lying in bed till the weight comes off. Stupid, I know. Wah Wah. 2 lbs when I weigh in my early 80's already. I also try to tell myself that 85 lbs can't be a lot, even if I'm only 5'1, but my body tells me no lies and I feel fat. I need to be 83 to put on jeans comfortably. 81 is ideal.

Anyway, still nothing from my doctors. I imagine I won't hear anything till my scheduel appointment. I'm pretty angry over that.

On that note, I'm going to go purge. I spent way too much time updating my buddy list on a very full stomach.