2004-10-24, 8:47 p.m.
Last night I really over did it. I ate way past full, way past sick, way past I'm sick and want to stop. I was just frantically hungry and didn't want the numbness to stop. Anyway, I purged and the sickness came violently. I was just throwing up so much and it hurt and it came fast and I finished faster then when I had much less food in me. When I was rinsing, I felt the vomit burn as it came up. Wtf?
Afterwards, I was very, very thirsty. I drank about four glasses of crystal lite. I noticed the crystal lite felt so so cold. I was marveling over how cold the crystal lite was. It was in the fridge, but it felt so ice cold, even though I had no ice in it. Then I realized my throat was burning, not that it was super cold. My heart started to pound because I was worried that I hurt myself from purging so forcefully. I kept drinking because I was SO thirsty. I couldn't quench my thirst and my throat kept burning. Then, I slept.
Now, I binge again. Right when I started my binge food, my sister dropped by. I freaked out because I had it all ready to go and I had to hide it FAST. My sister isn't like my dad. If she notices something. she won't keep quiet. She'll be like "why the fuck are you making so many fries or so many burritos?" so I threw everything into the fridge and prayed she wouldn't see. I was angry she was over here and angry she stayed so long and angry myself for being angry. She had the right to visit, but I just wanted to binge. After like 45 min, I frantically made food, not caring if my dad saw. He probably did, though I tried to conceal as much as I could.
Now I'm pregnent bellied and hurting and needing to purge.
I hope it doesn't hurt like last night.