2004-12-21, 12:09 p.m.
It's boring to fast. Time ticks on and you can't fill it with preparing and eating food. It's 12:10 and I'm still in bed. I see no reason to get out of bed. I may get up and shower in a litte while just so I can stand the stench of myself, but other than that, this feels just right in my bed.
My period showed up this month. I feel disgusting. It's very heavy too. In my mind, getting your period means fat. I haven't weighed myself in over a week. I don't plan to weigh myself for awhile, especially with my bloated period tummy. The mirror lies. One minute I look thin, the next I'm frightenily huge.
I keep thinking about when I'll have to tell people about going away to inpatient. There won't be a lot of people, probably just Christie and her mom. I think after I meet with Julio and my dad to tell my dad about it all, I'll go immedietly over to Christie's house and stay with them for awhile. Maybe I'll have a packed bag in my car and just leave to who knows where. Last night while purging I had this fantasy of driving up to Kaitlee's and picking her up and going to the zoo right after all the shit goes down. Maybe I could plan it so Christie comes, too, so I don't have to do all the driving.
Tomorrow I meet with Julio so I guess I'll have a clearer picture of what looms ahead. I have a feeling I'm getting all worked up for nothing. He'll probably have nothing new for me. I'm also giving him his Christmas present which I'm nervous as hell about.
I guess I should shower and get out of bed.