2005-01-14, 8:18 a.m.
I succeeded not to binge and purge yesterday. I went to my friend's yesterday and hung out with her mom for a good chunk of the day. We watched "Saved" and "May" while playing scrabble, going to get frozen yogurt, and chatting. Over there I ate some salad and broccoli dunked in mustard. She doesn't question my eating habbits. I left after we finished our scrabble game that got drawn out due to be distracted by "May" (creepiest, saddest movie ever), but I still managed to win by 6 points. Yay.
I came home pretty hungry. I made some oatmeal and tea, bored and lonely again. For dinner I had a 45 cal hot dog, eaten piece by piece with a 40 cal low carb tortilla. Later in the night, starving, I had a salad. When I was getting ready for bed my stomach looked huge. I felt like purging but I told myself it had to be fluids because I drank two diet hanses and a large crystal glass of crystal lite. Netherless, I took 4 laxatives, a sleeping pill, my meds, and fell into bed.
I was awoken, many times infact, by my mom and brother fighting. My brother sleeps on the couch because he complains of dust in his bedroom and my mom stays up late compulsively cleaning. This conflicts because he wanted the lights off to sleep and my mom kept walking to the garage to get brooms and stuff and turning the lights on. They were arguing and screaming about this till my brother went outsid and turned the electrictiy off. Nice. My dad finally stepped in and told them to cut it out, without taking sides. Typical. I'm sitting on the stairs listening to all of this. Things settle back down, brother on couch, mom with kitchen light on only, and my dad and I back in bed.
But then my mom turns a light back on again and it all errupts. My dad starts yelling at my brother saying he can't expect a blackout when he decides to go to bed, he can sleep in his bedroom or go back to school, he's 23 and he doesn't care if he goes back to school or what he does now because he's not his responsibility now. Frankly, he says, I don't care what you do. He can find another place to live for all he cares.
That hurt to hear. My dad can be so heartless.
On another note, not so much better, I think I have shin splints. I took my dog for a walk a couple days ago, and I guess being dragged by dog and pounding my feet on the pavement did it. I'm not as strong as I use to be. I woke up, hurting like hell, and this is day two of shin pain, and it still hurts even worse. I don't know what to do but it's rather scary that something so minor like walking my dog can do this. It's a not so suttle reminder that this poor eating is going to catch up to me and that my body is quite fragile.