things are getting old
2005-05-27, 1:52 p.m.

ordered diet pills with stolen credit card.
counted out anti-d's, sleeping pills, and cold medicine type pills yesterday. have large stash in old empty prescription orange bottle. almost over dosed yesterday. crying and crying while kicking bathroom cabinent, trying to get the courage to take them. i was a bit calmer after told myself i could always take them tomorrow. told myself would take them after my final. it's after my final and have not taken them.
will give julio one more chance and then will take them.
saw dad. he said i looked tired and not so good. i don't feel so good. the days linger on. pop diet pills like candy. thighs balloon anyway. throwing up three+ times a day. this is getting old fast. breathing is getting old.
am going to drop package off for katilee (<3) than have to take friend's little sister to riding lesson (can't get out of it, got paid 10 dollars-which went to binge food). Am going to go to library during lesson and pretend to try to read like I use to like to do.