2005-07-23, 1:51 a.m.
I feel insanely huge as of late. It's all I can think about. I'm obsessed with the size of thighs and butt. I am sure they have grown an obscene amount of inches and I hate myself for letting me get this way. Everyday I hope I've shrunk a little but everyday I'm sure it's just getting worse. I'm thinking about order phentermine again because I think the only way I can my weight under control is to stop purging and the only way I stopped purging before was with phen.
My parents are home again and I want to rip my hair out. My mom is acting insane again, as usual, and I realize I didn't miss her at all. My dad seemed ambivalent to me as he hardly greeted me, putzed around the house a bit, then went to bed. The only thing good about them returning is that I get free groceries again and money. I'm lucky I made it the week without having a nervous breakdown. Today I didn't even buy any binge food because I was trying not to purge, but I ended up bingeing at around 12:30AM. No wonder I am so fat, I keep bingeing at obsecure times and so often. I was complaining to Julio about my weight gain and he said "good, you were too skinny before". Argh. I want to be my old skinny self.
I'm going to look up phen online. My body is sickening.