2005-07-25, 1:46 a.m.
I survived the vacationing of my parents. I spent all of the 110 dollars except for 6. Plus I found an old debit gift card of mine, checked the balance, and spent all of the remaining balance(30 dollars). I truly am fucked up.
Yesterday, I felt pretty messed up because of the Luvox and I think because of other drugs I was taking. I was really drowsy and ill feeling. I still binged and purged at night. I am such a retard. I did the same thing today, despite feeling nauseous and achey in the stomach. I didn't take the Luvox today because I didn't want to be couch-ridden all day today, and so my stomach ache did go away eventually; leading me to purge tonight. Which is really stupid because I wasn't even really in the mood and I have to wake up early tomorrow morning.
I am feeling so out of control and fucked up. I think I'm losing some weight and that makes me happy because I was feeling so fat before. I already ordered phentermine but I can use that as a safety net.
Maybe partially why I felt like I couldn't get off the couch for periods of 7 hours, for two days straight, was because I am depressed. I can't find a reason to get up and get out. Julio lectures me to do the "Three G's": get up, get dressed, and get out...everyday. But it's hard when I don't have any money, any motive or reason, and any friends. It's so much easier just to lay there and sleep, especially in a drugged up state.
I'm going to try to be good, though, and call my drug doctor tomorrow and tell him the problems with the drug.
I guess there isn't much else going on. I registered for my classes but it seemed stupid and pointless. I'm probably going to have to withdraw from all of them to go to IP. I signed up for pilates, food and nutrition, and human sexuality. I might petition for a fourth class, but I don't see why.
i pretty much give up.