2006-01-09, 4:18 p.m.
What a crazy day so far.
I was awoken by my ringing phone at 10:23 this morning. It was Berta returning my call from Friday. Half asleep, I tried to explain why I wanted to come back to Oceanaire and why things would be different this time. She said she'd call my case manager and get back to me.
I went online to check my e-mail. A bit ago, I posted a listing on craigslist asking for another bulimic to hit a buffet with me. I got several responses, but all from weird guys who just wanted to watch me eat and purge...a couple of recovered people lecturing me...and one guy who seemed just fascinated by me. So I met up with him at Top of China Buffett.
While I was waiting for him, a homeless guy sat down next to me outside the restaurant and started talking to me. I offered him a cigarette but he said he didn't smoke, but he drinks a lot. He said he'll buy a beer right now for us at the liquor store. I thanked him but said I'm meeting a friend. He was kind of creepy and I got scared when he moved down two seats to sit next to me. He told me I was cute about 80 times and asked if I was a good kisser. In retrospect, that seems really creepy like "Ah! Run!" But he was actually pretty nice. I told him thank you for saying i'm cute and I don't know if i'm a good kisser. He said there's only one way to find out and I said, But Scott, I just met you! I think he was a bit tipsy.
Finally my craigslist date showed up. He was asian as he described, with an underbite. He was very nice but the whole thing was so weird. I was excited for the food though. I got 3 plates of rice, chow mein, sushi, pizza, and corn. After that, I got a big plate of desserts: I got pudding, pastries, and pie. It was so effing good but it was hard to enjoy it with a stranger watching me. I was just glad for the free food. After my 3 plates (while he picked at his one) I exusced myself to the bathroom. It was a one stall bathroom and I did my buisness. But near the end, a couple of asian chicks walked in. I cleaned up in the stall, washed my hands, and waited outsaide for them to leave. While I waited, I considered the men's bathroom. I pushed it open shyly and out came my CL Date. oops! I explained there was someone in the girl's. I drank some water and went back in after they left to rinse.
I sat back down with him and he had another plate of food, which relieved me but kind of made me uncomfortable because I was done eating and puking. But then I saw the soft serve icecream machine and got a bowl of vanilla icecream with these sugar coated peanuts. I then purged again, hoping to get any remnants of the first binge.
Afterwards we walked around the mall and made small talk. I bid him fare-well and thanked him for lunch.
As I drove home, I called Rita from St. Joe's and left her a message. I want to go back there so bad. I was talking to a girl named Wendie, a former patient, and she said when Rita and Cathy (OT) heard I left Oceanire, they thought i should come back to St. Joe's. That's all I needed to hear for me to want to call her. I'm still waiting to hear back from her and am getting really eager. I'd much rather go back to St. Joe's then Oceanaire.
Now that I'm home, I have frozen yogurt in the freezer that I want to eat but not purge..so I'm afraid to eat it. In an hour I'm going to leave for an ANAD meeting.
I want to binge right now and I don't know why.