2006-07-21, 7:50 p.m.
This is pathetic. I'm begging Julio for help and am being hung out to dry. He doesn't want to cripple me and wants me to realize I am capable of helping myself and I understand his logic in not doing this for me but FUCK...I need help and don't know if I can really do this alone. Here's our email conversation:
Melissa to Julio 10:53 am (8 hours ago)
help help help help. cripple me. something.
i can't function off this shit. i'm exhausted and can barely keep my eyes open and i just want to feel normal. and i need to clean up before my parents get home and i havent' taken my dog for a walk in two days and last night i was going to go to a meeting at 6 but i fell asleep at 3 and slept through the night and i tihnk i'm going to fall asleep again now. i can't do anything. i drank a giant energy drink and a giant thing of coffee and i'm still dead. just tie me up so i can't use anymore or rubberband me until i make some changes. because right now all i want to do is sleep or find more. more, now, again. and i don't want to continue this cycle because if i couldn't see you i'd never forgive myself and you're the only person who hasn't given up. heelppp.
Julio to me 1:05 pm (6 hours ago)
Its called crashing. You have been sleep deprived and your body is going to catch up. Sleep and then get your ass to meetings.
Stop complaining about how you can't do and do!
Melissa to Julio 7:39 pm (11 minutes ago)
arghhhhhhh. i have been sleeping. i should have caught up. i hate being so whiney and needy but i need a push off. objects in motion stay in motion...i need some help. i'm begging for help.
I don't know who is right here and what i'm asking him to do.