2006-08-03, 11:34 p.m.
Everyday of this past week has been Joe day. He is so encouraging and giving and helpful. He has spent loads of money on me lately and I don't know how to show him how thankful I am. I want to give or do something for him.
A couple days ago I picked up Ruston from the airport. I ditched him the next day and now he wants to talk about our relationship and where were at. this is coming fro mthe guy who wanted a NSA fuck buddy. ugh.
Yesterday, the gay drug dealer I kicekd out while my parents were on vacation texted me. He asked if he and his exboy could come to my place and hang. I agreed because I'm nieve and stupid. Gay Dealer ended up staying the night. It was fine, though. We smoked a little, talked a lot, and spent time individually. The next day I was communicating with Joe and planning something. Right when Joe was on his way, Gay Dealer got very "sick". I don't know if he was faking or not but he was so "sick" i couldn't boot him. I freaked out and called Joe, asking him what I should do. I wasn't sure if joe was annoyed but I felt really bad because i've been such a pain in the ass and he has no obligations to get into the middle of this. Joe pepped talked me into telling Dan he needs to leave. Joe and I went to get yogurt, came back, and Dan was up. I asked him to leave and he responded very similarly to the first time this happened. Cold. Distant. Sad. I felt the same guilt but shook it when I met up with Joe. We talked about "us" and going with the flow, how we joke sexually but havne't done a thing since the first day, and he made fun of how out of it i was due to 3 days/8 hours of sleep of meth. He gets so concerned and caring which puzzles me. He gets conerned about my self-esteem and challenges my negative thinking. He gets very concerned with my meth use and who I see due to it. He's successful, has a giant heart, and a head full of wisdom and advice. I reallllly don't get why he'd bother with me. All of this is done with joking with eachother, talking, and dashing off into an empty room to kiss. Today we went to condom revolution and were both so shy with picking out some goodies. I didn't wnt to walk up with it and he was so cool and collected about it. He even got me a week tanning...While this is fun and amazing I worry that i'm not showing how grateful I am and worry about the amount of money he has spent on me. We even had some fun at this outside mall...looking at clothes and trying on shoes.
Gay Dealer says he sounds gay..but I'm just enjoying the newness of it all.