losing it
2006-09-25, 7:02 p.m.

smoking everyday. realzing everyday this continues i don't have as much awareness over this as i thought. many times i reflect back to evenings or situations and realize how psycho i was acting.
I lost 6 lbs. i am getting comments again on my weight and i like it.
i can't even think right now. my brain is fried from lack of food, way too much drugs, and 6 hours of sleep in 4 days.
when i am not smoking i have to deal with the ED food shit so it's just easier in all areas of my life to be constantly spun.
i know i have a problem and the sooner i start working on it the sooner i'll be better.
but i keep saying i'll stop tomorrow and all the days blur together in a vague, fuzzy, high and low rollercoaster.
watch me self-destruct.