2006-10-22, 12:42 p.m.
Right now i'm playing the waiting game. The waiting game is when you know your fix is coming but who knows if it will be 20 minutes or 20 hours. Never expect things to work out as they should...or you'll often be sorely disapointed.
I got a call this morning from one of the first people I ever smoked with. He has been sober for 6 weeks and told me he relapsed and needed shit. The good person in my knew shouldn't help his relapse along but I have been in a dry spell and I need it. Needed it yesterday. I always feel like I needed it long ago.
I have dan the gay dealer and sam his exboy in my bedroom as I write. I usually go through Dan for all my deals but he doesn't know that since I got the dealer's number i've been skipping his step since he takes such a large cut. Having him in my house and going around him makes it more difficult. I still don't know what i'll tell them when i have to leave to pick up and what i'll tell them if the guy wants to come back to my pad to smoke. Generally males dont' want to smoke out other males.
He was suppose to be here 20 min ago. This goes to show how I should never get too excited and expect anything. I'll call him, and if he doesn't answer, there is plan b: plan b is gather 20 bucks and buy it from this dude who will probably try to feel me up. Plan C is to get it for free but go an hour away and hang out with a stranger.
This takes too much energy and effort. It's not worth it.