the end of ken
2007-01-07, 10:01 a.m.

Ken broke up with me.
I'm having a really really bad time with this so i'd appreciate no one giving out advice or their opinion of ken and what our relationship could be. i just need virtual hugs and love and understanding.
i haven't cried this hard and this much in atleast over a year. i got all these crazy impulses to make the pain stop...bingeing and purging, cutting, taking a lot of pills, deciding this will be my cue to self-destruct...instead i zoned out on igby goes down (which made me cry every 8 seconds)
i'm really not realy to rehash any of the details but if there are specific questions i will try to answer them. we are calling this a "break" with no expectations but not closing the door to something more. he wants a few days alone and that's really hard because i haven't been without him for over 2 months straight...24/7. i didn't sleep all night and not because i was on speed but just because i was so scared and so sad. i had no one to call...not a single person so i begged ken to come over because i really needed someone and he was the only person. i even called rita from st. joes and started to leave a message saying "rita, i, uh" then hung up.
i can't wait to see Julio on Wednesday.